Have I mentioned that I love Instagram? It’s not only an online scrapbook and marketing tool. It also sparks some healthy debates. Thursday Atlanta Housewife Kandi Burrus sparked some healthy dialogue when she posted this: “Most women want a man that’s already established. A strong woman will be a part of his struggle, survive it, succeed together, and build an empire.”
Before we get too deep, let’s establish what this quote entails. I’m interpreting this quote to mean that the man currently has no steady job and possibly no steady home or car. It’s important to get the details established.
Now my response….
In my mind, a strong woman is not necessarily allowing others to drain you while you idly stand by. There’s a difference between being a strong force in someone’s life and being a crutch which assists them in continuing to be below par. I think when you’re in your 20s, it’s fair to build together. You’re young and even if your parents have established you, you should – in theory – be working toward carving out something on your own merit.
However, my idea of a strong woman in her 30s is knowing when to hold ‘em and knowing when to fold em. For me – and I’m very specific in that language – I would not assist a man in building his empire. I believe that since I have done the work, I at the very minimum deserve someone that has enough pride in themselves to do the same.
Let me refer you to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
Abraham Maslow created a psychological theory depicting motivations and needs. The needs include five motivational needs, often shown as hierachical levels within a pyramid. This five stage model can be divided into basic (or deficiency) needs (e.g. physiological, safety, love, and esteem) and growth needs (self-actualization).
You’ll notice that food, shelter, safety is on the bottom, while affection and love is two levels above. Put another way, Maslow suggests that you should satisfy your lower level basic needs before progressing on to meet higher level growth needs.
If you’re a man in his mid – late 30s/40s, you need to focus on your basic needs prior to pursuing any sort of relationship. Should you do the opposite, you’re simply confirming my opinion that your priorities are out of order. And if that’s the case, I have no place for you in my life. Keep moving sir. I can be a strong woman else where.
What do you think? Do strong women stick by their men through any struggle?
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