Remember Me??

Hey friends,

Long time no speak…. my bad. Things have been a whirlwind but I got a little gentle nudge that I better get back on the horn.  I’m still here.

Much has happened so let me give you the two biggest events.  I’m just back off an all-girls Vegas trip.  I haven’t seen the movie, but judging by the reviews, looks like I may have had a better time than the cast in the Hangover III.

I was absolutely not looking forward to Vegas.  Had no desire to go.  I’m not big on gambling or what I would consider a party girl, so it never looked appealing.  Furthermore I’m a struggling insomniac.  Although I can sleep w/ a little assistance from my friend Ambien, I need PERFECT conditions.  That means my bed, no snoring, no talking or any other foolery which a gang of girls in one room can bring.  At my age, I need my rest!!! However, I was shamed into going.  My friends were totally right when they said I never go anywhere with them.  And honestly I also didn’t want to become that friend that’s conveniently left off the fun list.   So I booked my flight and begrudgingly left.

Friends, I had a ball!!!  I’m really not a party girl.  I promise. But I lost my mind there.  I literally partied all day long.  For three days I started with a pool party and ended somewhere with a drink in my hand dancing to music.  And when I wasn’t dancing and drinking I was eating some great food.  (eyes roll in the back of my head when I think of that greasy “In & Out.”)

For me, the big appeal to Vegas was just the total lack of boundaries.  I saw things no self-respecting person would do in public.  And instead of pushing me away, it just sucked me in. I had reached euphoria where no one gives a damn about who I am, what I do. It makes the old saying “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” sound like the wisest words ever said.  Lets hope that rings true because that wasn’t the ME I know.  That version of me was fancy and free and I heart her.

Second big news….drum roll… this kid finally landed another gig.  After two solid years of stress and misery, I am free.  Can’t tell you how much of a burden that was on me.  I am grateful for the experience, but I learned a lot of valuable lessons through some pretty tough times. I had definitely worked up the ladder and put myself in a sweet spot.  But I did it at the expense of my family, my health and I just lost myself.  I wasn’t me.  I was becoming who I thought people wanted me to be.  And the kicker came when all that sacrifice was looked over and sabotaged.  People who were friends, were the very people who threw me under the bus.  Nothing stings like betrayal. You just question your own judgment. I could go on and on, but I won’t digress.  I know these are going to sound like some frivolous quotes, but I know them to be true.  I narrowed it to five:

1. Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated.  If they can’t see the real value of you, it’s time for a new start. (I am my biggest cheerleader.  Not out of arrogance, but out of loving myself and knowing I’m good enough because I’m being the best version of me. No matter what happened, just know your value. If I’m your second round pick, I will go where I’m a starter.  The bench is for scrubs.  That’s one thing I am not!)
2. Be strong. You never know who you are inspiring. (One pretty rough day, someone said in passing, I was their mentor.  I immediately thought to myself, “Girl, you might want to pick another. I’m a mess.” But she said no matter what the situation, I was consistent, calm and gave everyone my all.  She made my day.  She was watching.  And I hope that when she’s faced with a tough time or season, she does the same.)
3. What God has for you, no one can stop.  (A lot of times people will intimidate you into believing that they have a hold on your future when you aren’t obedient.  Don’t feed into that threat.  Your life is written.  And sometimes it’s written with a storm for you to go through so you’ll come out stronger.  No one ever grew from living the easy life.  Always expect a miracle.  Furthermore, since when did that little pee-on become the almighty? If that’s the case shouldn’t they be somewhere better? )
4. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.  (Be weary of people who show you their dark side and easily hurt others in your presence.  Nine times out of ten, they will do the same to you.)
5. Just because God doesn’t answer your prayers doesn’t mean he’s not listening.  He’s just got something better in store for you.  (I had been looking for – what I considered – quite a few months.  I was so exhausted and really getting discouraged.  But when I tell you the perfect opportunity came, at the most random time, from the most random people, quicker than I was ready…. please know that it’s true.  Hang in there.  It will come.  And if you trust that thought, it will be better than what you expected.  I was so ready to take anything.  Thank goodness I didn’t.  I hung in there for something better and it came.)